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Corporate Guidelines

This section is about base requirements for employees at a shork cafe & standing operational orders from HQ toward the different branch offices.

But first, a short introduction by the CEO of the Shork Group, Miss White:

Miss White

Dear Employees,
aside of providing instructions, this section may inspire those that work in advertising and social engineering to write short stories, comments and create other media ( think of the shark song or various dance shows faked to look like video game content ) that'll present the Shork Group, Shork Cafes, Happy Milk Inc, and all our other related branches and corporate entities in a favourable light.
Also, by using computer games, social media and other such ressources, inspire the innocent and noninvolved humans to come here, take this as some sort of creative art contest and make them write shorts of any kind suitable for our platforms. Funds have been allocated for this.

Dear Friends and Customers,
when you have a grin plastered over your face, or just a light smile, but feel the urge to write something for this art project, contact Kaahupahau Resident in Second Life, the branch manager of your nearest Shork Cafe, to learn about the conditions.
Do not be afraid!
Despite us being mostly apex predators, we do not bite humans without a reason. Aside of Kaahupahau you can also contact myself (Lycanthia Resident) or any of the other people listed as employees for further information.
We look forward to your dreams, ideas and fictions!
And, too, obviously we're just dressing up as talking animals.

Miss White

BR (Bestial Ressources)

All employees at a Shork cafe have to love humans. That is, mating with them, playing with them, feeding them. The Shork Group encourages beastgirls to use their local Shork cafe to start dating human males. Male beasts are also encouraged to date human females, but given human females tend to be more perceptive and and less horny - and male beasts, as their human counterparts, less attentive, less observant and less careful - the Shork group sees a higher risk of widespread publicity of the undesireable type when male beasts would start dating human females in cities in noticeable numbers. We all saw the “Suicide Squad” movie, right?

The love for humans however does not impinge upon any beasts right to defend itself against human infringements.

The head office recommends to either have local human support or to be careful as to construct the demises of humans posing a thread in either a manner that is acceptable with local laws and customs or that can be easily explained away as accident or the effect of wild animals where no other explanation can be constructed.

Again, observe the local environment: Sharks and polar bears do not commonly roam deserts and crocodiles do not attack from ceilings in arctic environments, as they commonly don't wear thermosuits.

Acquisition of equipment

In some localities, local organisations may exist that are semi-aware of the Shork Group. These are often Italian family businesses, who tend to initially be hostile to Shork Group etablissements.
Given their low key mode of operation, the management permits the local cafe's personnel free hand to handle such groups - but in a polite manner, after all it's just business - toward accepting the local cafe as an equal business partner.

Outside of those direct settlements a Cafe should stay clearly out of such groups businesses. An exception can be made in the acquisition and processing of vital parts for the Shork brand food processing machines. These groups may help acquiring additional production capacities as the cafe expands. Pickups of such equipment should be done by those waitresses that have abilities to ensure the last mile transport via air, as to throw off potential canine or optical tracking techniques of potentially watching authorities.

Primary source for new equipment is through encouraging local ressources to consider making an internship or working fulltime at a Shork Cafe.
See our Memos for social engagement with local communities on how to inspire humans to work for the Cafe, including memetic techniques of manipulation. HQ will organize a new employee of similar statue and similar voice in time for cover ups where neccessary.

Always ensure that mention of training facilities uses addresses of military or corporate secret locations, as in that case these groups will do their utmost best to muddy trails they will have no idea of their origin. HQ offers lists of such locations that can be easily explained away with typographical errors, the logical alternatives being long abandoned locations or locations of groups friendly to us, but totally unaffiliated.

Following human administrative examples, only the most motivated pursuers will endure trying to follow up the labyrinthine traces. Those that do should, after personality assessment, either find sympathetic “support” by one of our fieldagents, be permitted to find a “Happy and proud” new coworker or, only in most dire circumstances, be acquired themselves.

Authorities: In general, special offers for security forces, firefighters, military and educational personnel are always a good idea and help building a good and close rapport with those organisations. The effects of the presence of our Cafes in areas humans consider “bad neighbourhoods” are usually helpful to enamour us to law enforcement and civil authorities. Especially those employees of a Cafe that look sufficiently like a “weak human female” from a distance or under bad lighting are most welcome to roam areas of high crime when they can either use the nutritional support or the soothing of their instincts that such tours offer.


Cooperation with society and the authorities (Memo from Miss White)

A good standing in the local human community is most important for all Shork Cafes.


Where local morality implies we do not show our food processors core equipment openly, we have to operate in a way that humans call “PG13”. In such cases, Shork etablissements are encouraged to work toward all human age groups.
Personnel is most welcome to volunteer as mascots for youth organisations and the cafe itself is to support those organisations, be it with money, catering services or otherwise.
Strict adherence to local law and morality is to be maintained at all cost in those cases, as humans extend the same courtesy in regard to the young to most of our kinds, too, without even being aware of us.

Use youth organisations and public events to learn about what young humans are interested in to tailor events and offers at the cafe itself. This helps attracting visitors, too.

When your cafe is not considered a “PG13” etablissement, do sponsor or organize events for the future customers of your Cafe by supporting local groups working toward making the lives of children better. That means, when people don't accept offers for out-of-house catering from you, support those organisations organizing and supporting such events.

Remember 1:
Children are our future.

Remember 2:
Some of those might be one day your own!

And you'll surely will want to make sure that your offspring will also live in a world where there are humans that can be enticed to rub their back. So, we have to become good sheperds for humans.

Note: You might be happy to hear that, as of February 2022, Legal permits reclassifying humans that intentionally hurt or abuse minors as “dietary supplements”.

The Sick:

The sick are also worthy of our special care.
Whilst we at HQ understand that sick humans trigger our carnivorous instincts, we selected you all to be able to have a grip on your natural urges. Supporting hospitals and social institutions, with “Mascot Days” or events sponsored by us, is a very good idea to gain the communities trust and admiration. Such deeds tend to bring in much more paying customers - and potential future ressources and husbands - than making ads for TV and Radio.

Where possible, try to make hospitals see the advantages of having a lively cafe nearby, or even in-house. Also, try to use “Mascot Days” and similar events to inspire acceptance of “full time mascots” as nurses. It is a blazing fast pathway to be truly loved by humans, and well worth keeping ones instincts under control.

The Elderly:

For the elderly, which we find in retirement homes or in their own flats, we also do care a lot. For one, always remember: Todays elderly might be tomorrows morally okay and worry-free lunch.

We found that many old humans do not particularly worry what happens with them after their death. Accordingly, consider the following, but approach sympathetic individuals first before broaching the subject on a more general basis:

Offer contracts that ensure that the peopels valaubles will all go to their natural heirs - or whomever they wish to designate, after all, the humans sunk so much gold and jewels over the centuries in the oceans that money really is of little concern for us - in return for being permitted to organize a cremation-based service where your local Cafe will be permitted to offer the catering. Naturally most humans will consider that our activity is to ustilize their funeral as a marketing platform. And they are right. However, that we also cremate nothing other than the bones should be of little concern to them, but will ensure that those of our employees that are mandatory carnivores with no alternatives will stay healthy.

We encourage our employees also to seek and train their social skills on those elderly people. Special treats, like the Blue Sprinkles we get from medical corporations in return for some specialist knowledge and regular deliveries of deep sea algae, are primarily for elderly customers, after all.

Last modified: le 2024/04/08 16:48